going mc fucking crazy

That's simply it

why do we allow people that eat loud to live?

Hi

It's me your local angry boy. I am pissed. Like, people are so ooga booga that they don't understand that misophonia isn't a made up thing. Every day I have to pull a herculean effort to not murder my family, because they're always making god awful noise. They eat like fucking pigs with their mouths open, I have told them I really can't stand the noise they make, yet they smack their lips, small pieces of food flying off of their mouths, god awful gut wrenching growls escaping their filthy mouths. I can't, I simply can't cope with people that make retarded fucking noises. This article (supposedly you need a membership to see it, but i was on mobile and it worked just fine for free) by the wall street journal states that people with Misophonia have to shut their mouths and deal with it. Funny. Well, I think that people that are gross should simply be nerfed, are you an ape? Do you walk on four feet? Do you eat your own shit? No? Then act like a normal decent person and stop eating like a chimp. This goes for most of manners, if you are an overall gross person, please do us a favor and shoot yourself in the head, do not cause any regression to us, Homo Sapiens! The article tries to put the gross eater in a victim sort of situation. Maybe people are grossed by your primitive eating skills because they are something that is gross. Just mayhaps ye know?  Unlike his wife, or the writer of the article I won't indulge in euphemisms,no robbie boy (or any ape tbh), you're not a "chewer" you're an utterly disgusting parasite. You know, what annoys me isn't the noise itself, it's knowing that you are gross and do it, well aware that you could practice good manners and join the other citizens of the modern world. But no, you need to make a sewage orchestra off of your food hole. My grandma has missing teeth, so naturally, she doesn't annoy me, but all of you who have a full functioning body do not have a single excuse to be pure scum.

 Disgusting. Hope your eating manners lead you to choking : 3

Edit: I have a feeling some pussy wetawds will be triggered :3 so let me put some links that explain what misphonia is, once again I add, i am not angy owo at people that are unable to avoid making sounds : D It's almost as if, I didn't choose to have my brain wired this way : O 

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-misophonia#1

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320682

https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/misophonia/

https://journals.lww.com/thehearingjournal/fulltext/2020/03000/misophonia__a_neurologic,_psychologic,_and.5.aspx

April fools

I'm an April's fool
the only one I'm fooling is me
pretending I know what I talk about
pretending to like stuff
pretending to have dreams
pretending to have roots
pretending to have a voice
pretending to have a personality
pretending i am not just a conception
pretending i am not an invention
pretending he hasn't taken over me

mordern day dating and whatever the hell people think makes sense

Hallo Wie gehtz
So, I was listening to negative xp's "girls are dumb" and I checked the comment section, and I saw lots of people were like, hella fucking pissed at women. Idk if my opinion is valid, because in their terms i am a normie I guess, I have had girlfriends, which makes me invalid for these internet monks. But I find the way these people think of women fucking gross. I don't know, some people will be like, stop simping bro, just because I am on women's side, but every time I see this type of shit I just think of my mom. She is an extremely sweet and intelligent person, a polyglot, beats me at any math issue that I can find, an extremely good debater! A person whose intellect is so cool, I love chatting with her about any topic because she does have a very bright mind and she knows what she talks about. And then I see people degrading each other to simple gender stereotypes. Not just men, women do it too.
I see men saying that all women are useless and dumb. That all of females are meant to be used. But that is like, so fucking weird. All my female friends are such cool people, with cool music tastes, with awesome hobbies and life goals, I can't look at them as objects, because they are not objects they are people. And maybe I think that way because my parents never re enforced gender stereotypes into me or my brother. I was never told that I should do X or Y cause I am a boy. I was just allowed to do whatever. I ended up being interested in things that are more "masculine", which is the norm for boys, but even if I hadn't it wouldn't matter. I was never told that men or women have roles in society, yeah women are the ones that give birth but besides that, in a world where physical strength is not the major  contributing force for society I think it is futile to reduce people to such things.
Now let's talk about dating. I see guys complaining about how they have to pay for dinner and invest so much money just to get laid. That itself is pathetic. Yes, women can be very materialistic fucks sake, but so can men. If you only see women as sex objects they will treat you as a wallet, it is only fair. Do you really expect a living being with a complex brain to do whatever you say and not want any sort of gratification back? Women want sex too, duh! But if you come into the picture just wanting sex, pretending to care about women just for their body, they will use you back. Women don't owe you sex, and you don't owe them money. You know why egirls make money off of incels? Cause they see them as objects and are so lonely and brain washed that they spend money on girls they'll never talk to irl to fill the big hole in their heart. I am not a fucking chad, I am not attractive by any means. But I have had girlfriends. Why? Because I never saw sex as god damned priority. Like, yeah I wanna get laid, but first I want to find someone that makes me fall in love, sex is a fucking bonus. I don't go out chasing for people to fuck. I meet people and have friendships, and sometimes I crush on them. If the feelings end up being mutual, then we hang out more, and yeah sex might happen. But that's not what I am in for. And I never feel obligated to pay for things, expensive dates or whatever. Love is a mutual thing, not a fucking deal. Sometimes I feel very happy making a bracelet or a necklace for the girl that I like, I feel so warm just thinking about how that can make her smile!
Maybe I don't know shit about dating, but perhaps I am just too european.

i'm gonna move to the bronx and i will be master clown

Wie Guetz
you fucking heard me
i made my choice, once this pandemic is over i am fucking leaving europe, my small town is not big enough for how big of a clown i am! i am gonna spread trickery and sperginess like a mc fucking plague!
i am moving to a small apartment, and i am gonna work in little italy. and have like a clown gig in my free time, my family says i am a good clown! yeah it's gonna work out so fucking well. i am gonna be everyone!! i will be legit every single human there is to be. i will flee!! i will be a fucking priest i will be a skater boy! i will be a god damned ghost buster!!! i will uncover all there is to uncover, i will know all the subway stops and all the spots to hide at! i will be nothing and everything and so little and such a big concept!! the concept of my identity is an allegory itself! fuck
if i can't have a personality of my own i will steal everybody else's. fucking write it down!!!

what is killing me

Hallo,
This is what is killing me:

• My dad always snapping his fucking fingers
• People eating and making noises as if they have some issue
• My mom only calling me to talk about her boyfriend
• My identity being split across the world and nowhere to be found
• My sudden lack of interest in everything that I once thought I enjoyed
• Not remembering my past
• Not knowing who my friends are
• Time passing through me
• Not being able to say what I actually think 
• Cigarettes
• Not knowing what I am 
• Not having a personality
• Not controlling my feelings or actions
• Not being able to know what I am thinking because it's too many people in my head
• Being a super hypocrite
• Judging others
• Me

I am so fucking tired of dinosaurs

Yeah, I said it, fuck retarded old people! I will never be one because I will blow my brains out before i am even 30, yeah it is edgy and cringy I don't care. I don't hate old people because they are old. I hate old people because they fail to accept that opinions aren't dogmatic. I am working so hard to avoid being like that, by always listening to people without being biased. My grandpa is always mocking me for being a polyglot. He is so fucking annoying. He is so fucking condescending, it makes me want to just scream boomer remover. My grandpa makes fun of me for speaking multiple languages, IMAGINE! While most people would be happy that their children have that skill, my grandpa makes actual fun of me. He says that I shouldn't speak 'foreign'. I swear to every fucking thing, why do old people get surprised at people my age for disliking them?? They act entitled, they ruined the economy and fucked the environment, they're mostly homophobic, xenophobic, racist, etc... you fucking name it... And it's so fucking annoying! I think that this is a thing that won't happen a lot more with upcoming old people, and future oldies, but old people say that everything was literally better in their time, which is so fucking bullshit. Yeah, I do miss the days when I was a little kid, but I have to admit those are just nostalgia goggles. But for old people it is an empiric truth that anything my generation makes is bad and wrong and it sucks! I can't grasp it. I fucking can't. They think they are so much smarter. My grandparents didn't even go to school and they call me and my parents dumb. IMAGINE THE FUCKING ENTITLEMENT. I'm not the brightest, I know that for a fucking fact.
Three days ago, my grandpa who is a fat ass hypocrite sat on his ass and made fun of women on the TV that weren't even chubby, they had a perfectly normal healthy size. He shamed them for being "fat". And if I were to ask him something along the lines of "if they are fat does that make you a land whale?" I bet I'd be scrutinized and grounded by my family. But since he is old he's apparently not guilty of being a sexist racist retard. I hate saying this type of shit because people will think of me as an sjw, but it is the damn truth!! There isn't one time he doesn't make fun of immigrants, (i was a god damned immigrant, my existence is the product of immigration!), people of color, LGBT people and women. That's all he does. And they're not like light jokes. He is like insulting on purpose. He saw the transvestite parade for the Carnival on TV and started spewing hate about how it is so wrong to wear women's clothes. When I call him out I get called sensitive. I think I am like one of the least sensitive people out there, my sense of humor is quite dark and lots of people I know consider it "offensive". But my grandpa, he is not even trying to joke, he is being fucking racist and hypocritical.
Nothing I ever do will change fossils, the only way of getting rid of fossils is by throwing them away!

online school or school in general does not work for me

Hallo
I genuinely can't bring myself to study. I know I will regret my behavior, but I honestly can't find any joy or interest in school, or anything in general. I'm extremely unmotivated and nothing captivates my brain. All I want is to stay awake at night so I don't deal with my family, dream and die. I hate sounding edgy but these feelings are genuine. I honestly suck...

Life on Halt

Hallo,
Europe is fucked. China is lying, and nobody takes things seriously. I'm angry that european countries take bullshit from china. Bitch please, tehy didn't even let Taiwan partake in the WHO. The chinese government looks like it is ruled by little teenage girls that solely care about looks and photo shopping their instagram pictures. It's like they're kids, afraid of telling the world the truth because the ccp would look bad( as if it wasn't obvious anyways). But china holds lots of economical power so everyone sucks its cock. Because of the way china mislead everybody preparation wasn't done. Taiwan began its preparation as soon as the first warning was out from Wuhan. I seriously beg for the answer of this question from the government of any country, what is worse, hurting the economy a bit with early drastic precaution or hurting your economy so bad the whole world goes into recession due to major lockdowns for months and months? In the end, the economy will be more hurt, because we won't be indulging in any shopping if we are locked for months, meanwhile, if precaution was taken since the beginning we could be just fine by now.
I can't believe this is 2020. The only positive thing about this is that this virus is a major boomer remover! So all the dumb cunts that still think that working a part time job is enough to pay for a house, college tuition and supporting a family can go and cough on each other in a dedicated pit. I am not sorry for the ignorant boomers, finally europe will get rid of its "aging population" issue, in the aftermath europe will be very youthful!

Boomers and corona

Hallo retards.
It is time I go back to my element, ranting about older people. As everyone probably knows, the world is in a pandemic situation when it comes to the corona virus. Europe is being eaten alive lmao. I am actually concerned about the virus, because as edgy as I want to be, I know people that I don't want to lose (unlike some godlike creatures I've interacted with).
Last week, during lunchtime I mentioned that my family should pass by the pharmacy to stock up on masks and hand sanitizer. My grandma's reaction was fantastic. She said I was dumb and pathetic for thinking that those precautions were necessary. She said that the flu is way more dangerous, way more people die in the pool and we're not banning pools, 2% mortality rate is low so stop worrying. I must note, my grandma doesn't believe in evolution, or in artificial selection. She thinks that the fruit and vegetables on earth have always been this way, that we didn't shape them throughout time to be as juicy and as nutritious as possible. She thinks GMO's and artificial selection throughout the entirety of human existence are the exact same and doesn't want to believe in science whatsoever. She also thinks that lactose intolerance is bs (yeah I nearly puke all the time cause dairy is just so good for me mmmm). All that aside, she doesn't really understand that she is one of the main people that should be worried about the virus. Old people have very bad hygiene, in my opinion, cause "back in the old days we only took a shower per three days, and we didn't wash our hands cause real men make their immune system stronger by congesting every single possible decease!" They cough into their hands, instead of into their arms (i was always taught to cough and sneeze into the inner part of my arm, because in general we shouldn't spread our spit). They don't wash their food, and don't really take medical advice; they're always picking their nose and at their skin and then go and touch things without washing their hands; etc...
So let's imagine the following scenario:
I'm on my way to school, I usually have to hop on two different subway lines. One of the subway lines I take is connected to the airport. Someone comes back from italy. They cough, sneeze, or overall just spread their breath droplets on the subway's surface. Someone else touches the surface, and scratches their nose. That person has the virus now. The incubation period of the novel corona virus is more than 24 days. That person goes around, kisses their loved ones, their children, releases breath droplets into public transport, interacts with people at work. That person probably passed the virus to many people, and they won't know for a long time, due to the very long incubation time.
I feel like I need to rectify myself. I am not afraid of the virus for me, I take the necessary precautions, I do the best I can. But some people think they are superior, that a "little" virus won't do anything to them, things always happen to everyone but them, blah blah status quo, blah blah. So they don't take any precautions and keep being the unhygienic gross motherfuckers they are. Two days In my physics lab my teacher begged us to wash our hands before getting in class cause of the virus, and of course we did. Once again, when talking about this to my grandma she thought it idiotic. People act as if the unnecessary death of others is fine, just cause it's not them or their close ones. "It's only 2% of the population that is dying". People die all the time, why are people ok with the additional death of others? I can't grasp it. And unlike the flu our body isn't fully able to just get the rid of the virus. Covid-19 is a serious disease. Just cause you are not in danger it doesn't mean you get to deny science and  play god while you can.
That's all, honestly, fuck people that don't believe in science, up yours!

i actually age and didn't die at 16

Hallo, it's mab, mark, markus, Marco, whatever.
I'm currently 18. Ew, i know, gross. Just a while a go I was extremely edgy and determined to die (don't get me wrong I don't want to live) and all I cared about was grunge and 90s industrial rock. Now I am literally nobody. Nothing defines me anymore. I don't even try to enjoy the things that once made me happy.I don't believe in anything. I don't even do drugs or alcohol anymore, and yes, that's a negative. I just stay static. I don't know what happened to me but I have vanished. Nobody sees or notices me. Nobody ever did, but I realized I am nothing. I feel bad for nothing or for everything. And no matter how many positive conclusions I have I always forget everything, truth is, I can't focus or make memories, my brain just gave up on short term memory. I have no regret for my actions, I just wish time weren't so fast. Just that. I miss my friends, I miss how rotten and shitty my life used to be, and how it made me dream of a better future. How I was so mentally busy and didn't realize things would never be the same once I stepped out of school on the last day. I seriously don't understand myself. I want my head to not be so shaky. I wish I had kept my promises from the past and had posted all the time. Sorry. Nobody reads this, but I'm very sorry. I feel like I failed.

good bye uk!

If you told someone from like, 20 years ago that the uk would like the eu they'd say that's bs. But oh well, farewell britain! It has been a wild ride, too bad you never had the euro as your currency!

Happy new year of 2000!

Hallo internet!
How's it going?? I haven't been as present as I used to be. I know I said I'd stop posting here when i got into college but oof. I still have stuff to say so it only seems fair I say it. I could have done this whole blog in a much better manner. I could have posted regularly. I wish I had another year of high school so I could get more responsibility, since I spent the entirety of high school not doing anything and complaining.
The millennium, decade and year are over! Now we have a whole new universe to explore!!!! I am not so positive, and looking back into anything pains me deeply!! Oh well, I just wish I for once had the correct thoughts at the correct place and time. Hope we have fun in this new year.
Top be honest I couldn't care less about this human concept of time, I feel extremely disconnected from it and that probably plays a big part in why I suck at life. I don't know, it's not a question of "1999 went by so fucking fast I can't believe it's 2000 already!", it's more like, I don't feel time at all. It could be 2020 and I wouldn't feel a thing. I just overall feel extremely out. I've always been dissociated from everything but now it's sort of worse, last year I still felt some sort of "coming of doom" feeling regarding the new year and time still made some sort of sense. But now I have no actual clue. I don't think i am ready for any of this.

shit that annoys me || volume 1 || brain frozen old people

Hallo,
I decided to try and put some effort into this and at least write weekly. I really regret the way things have gone down with this projects.

So today I will begin this habit of talking in detail about shit that just makes me fume. I have moved back to my old neighborhood, and because of that I've had my fair share of dealing with old people, which is ok, people don't choose to get old, as much as we all would love to be young forever. But, I never noticed how dumb the older generations can be, and I mean extremely dumb. Let's divide my issues with older people into topics

1.How most people over 35 I've interacted with are fucking mental
 Most people are so deep in the idea that their generation is the best (there's no such thing as a best generation) that they fail to communicate and comprehend other generations. When people are around 35 they start realizing that they're not young anymore and they're heading towards their 40s. Till then they have this weird ass idea engraved on their head, they think they're so genial, so different, so quirky, so revolutionary, so much better because they had less during their childhood? Then this people start realizing that young people can also achieve things and they start getting angry, perhaps (when they were children) they weren't as successful or well informed as gen z kids are, which is okay. But these people can't accept that things change. They not only fail to accept the potential and success of younger people but they also fail to understand them.


2.Ignorance regarding technology and progress
 This one is fantastic, it really grinds my gears. Whether I'm talking to my nearly 40 y/o aunt or to my grandpa who is completely unable of using any technology because he simply thought "oh, that shit is not important, nobody is ever gonna use tech so I shouldn't learn" they never fail to surprise me. I think I'll bullet-point each specific incident that makes me question what happens on people's brains

• Being overly complicated: Sometimes various family members ask me shit. Sometimes they want to know something, sometimes they don't know how to use a certain thing (reset the router, lookup some random ass info) . Instead of simply looking up on their phones what they need to know regarding anything they decide to be extra complicated, they make weird choices, and when they finally beg you to do it for you they can't stop commenting on how you're doing it wrong while they don't have any idea of what is going on. In the end of helping them plugging the HDMI cable or attaching a jpeg to their email I just ask "Hey (random person) why don't you look this up on the internet? You could learn how to do it yourself and apply that knowledge to different situations?". They never ever do this, I don't get it. They assume I just magically know all of these but then proceed to criticize me for knowing stuff?? Why are they being so complicated? Choose a stance on the topic and stick with it unless you actually change your mind instead of floating around. They think we know stuff just because we are from the "new generation", we know stuff because we have curiosity. 
• Thinking that using tech is gonna kill you: Most part of old people are big ass hypocrites. I love watching Tarantino movies, not only are they very well written but they also have a fair share of violence and gore. To some of my older relatives, watching really violent movies or watching super violent sports (boxing matches, WWE, till death bullfighting matches, etc...) is totally okay. But playing a dumb FPS shooter game? No, that's gonna turn you into a school shooter, or any shooter per say. My favorite type of game is FPS games, yet I don't consider myself violent, at all. My grandma says that kids in america shoot up their school because they play cod, but all kids all over the damned world play cod and many more fps games, yet we don't see the wide spread of a school shooter culture. Old ass men beating each other to death because their soccer team rivalry? Ye know, it's just men. Boys playing fps shooter and having a general nice time? Oh boy, that's fucking cancerous and will damage the boys' minds they'll become killing machine lIkE tHe AmErIcAn KiDs!! Killing bulls good, pOlyStaTIonN aNd tHE Wii BAAAD
• Thinking the world doesn't need the internet or anything really: This one is just great, my grandma was pissed that we are"always" on our phones, back in her day they didn't have phones! And the god damned internet, it just turns kids into criminals we don't need such thing!!!! "If I can live without the internet it means we don't really need it!" Hate breaking it to you grandma but all the efficiency of the 21st century is based on the convenience of the internet. Fast news that enable the ability of warning people and preventing disasters, managing bank accounts, efficient systems that enable fast services (every major thing, from hospitals to retail).
• TV vs Online Content:Old people think that watching youtube videos is worse than watching TV. Both platforms have had good content and bad content, the difference is what you can do about it. Old people just stay there and randomly watch whatever the fuck Tv feeds them, and that includes the totally washed down biased content that ends up brain washing their brains. Because of a dumb tv show my grandma believes I will become a killer because of video games. Meanwhile, on streaming services you can choose what to watch, on youtube you can support actual talented independent artists and individuals and see them grow! My family thinks you can legally buy guns at a gunshop if you are 13 in the U.S.
• Telling foreigners to learn the country's language but refusing to learn languages like English: This one is always amazing, people get so angry at foreigner's for not speaking our language perfectly, but do they speak any other language other than their own? They fucking don't. Why do old people get worked about this? You don't speak the foreigner's languages either. They don't even speak English, so why are y'all so pissed at immigrants and foreigners lmao.

3.Generational differences throughout history
 Okay, this one will be hella far fetched. Although when boomers and people prior to that were my age they already had different mindsets and ideals than their contemporary old folks' ones there was some sort of similarity? The world keeps changing, ofc, but like, the 20th century was a crazy roller coaster. The way we live and interact with the world, in a contextual way changed so much? And lots of people think that the values they were taught are the best ones, regardless of change. So they refuse to keep up? I don't really know what my point is in this one. But like, in the medieval ages as rebellious as kids could be, older people and younger people kinda endured the same shit? The good ol days looked just like the good new days? So I doubt that old people could go around saying "IN MY DAY WE GOT THE PLAGUE!!!!" Like, people hate change, and that's why they all fall into this weird hypocritical cycle. People my age complain about 6 yo's liking fortnite or Minecraft. I seriously don't get it, fucks sake our gen liked club penguin and dumb shid like FriV flash games, Nintendo dogs n cats. I think old people get dumb because they are pretentious. We need to give value to younger intellects. I love talking to everyone, I love telling my older family members my ideas, and if I ever live to be old I want to learn with people that are younger than me.

This was fucking psychotic, I might edit this post later I have no god damned clue.

Dream Girl

I'm at the airport waiting in line
A very pretty girl is in front of me
She is tall
And her feet are tiny in comparison
She is by herself and carries a camper bag
Her headphones are plugged in
She has cute bangs and a suede pouch
She is so sweet
She is such a dream
Her hair is kinda strawberry blonde
It's very messy
Her perfume is very nice
Girls are so nice
Pizza socks
Her walk is funny
Cherry cola shirt
She has bracelets on her legs
She was watching dumbo
Editing pictures on her laptop
She wears socks that don't match
She has two seats just for herself because the lady next to her left
Her nose looks cute and little
It is a little bit red
She might have the flu
She sits by the window
And looks at the clouds, probably in other planet
I wonder what she will do, once she gets to Lisbon
Will she have more adventures? Maybe go to Spain
Or maybe she just came to Africa to do some volunteer help
Maybe her parents paid her the trip
Maybe she makes her life like that, gets a sponsorship and travels to exotic places
But she looks so young, she could be younger than me, she could be with me at school
I don't know but I can't help but look at this dream girl

School reparations and getting over your past

Hallo

The school year is basically over, just one more exam and I am forever gone from high school. I don't feel so good about it? I spent the entirety of high school complaining about the town I live in and avoiding people, instead of trying to make friends and memories, because time is finite. All I did was dwelve myself in voluntary social exclusion which eventually turned to involuntary exclusion. People have baggage. Mine is being the loner kid that sat by himself in the hallways. I didn't even get to take a dumb picture with my crush in front of my locker, which is now completely empty. I wish I could go back in time. I wish I weren't so lazy, I could've participated in so many cool activities, I could've gone to friends parties. Many people invited me to parties, I always denied the invites. But why? Oh yeah, because I never studied or did any school work at all so I had to rush to do everything last minute, instead of just revising daily and attending parties and other things. I wish I could and just make friends, All of those kids, they aren't that bad, I decided to distance myself, they gave me a chance and I decided to be a rude cunt. I could've attempted to be friends with people but ofc now everyone has a stigma regarding me. And school is ending anyway, right? I am the only one to blame I think. Instead of trying to make meaningful friendships I spent my time in the library hiding from everyone playing doom, hanging out with random kids that are going through the same path as I am.

I want to get over my past, I cannot change it and I can only hope for a better future. My school is going through reparations and it's getting a remodel, a new principal, a new cafeteria and football field. I won't be here to see the new school, he new teachers and all the new things. I won't be here for anything, because I am supposed to grow up and go to college. I am pissed but I need to understand that I cannot go back in time. I want to make up for my idiocy. I don't know how but I need to do something. I have to do something I can't live with the guilt of wasted time. I just can't, since my early childhood I always freaked out at the thought of wasting time, always. And now it is killing me. It's not that I don't really want to grow up or for high school to end. I just wish I made a better use of my time. I wish I had taken pictures of certain moments. I wish I had memories. I wish I had people in those memories, instead I have 

some sort of void whose only light is the one radiating from this computer screen.

Edit:
maybe I wont shoot my brains out yet, this Joanna Cedia video made me smile a little bit.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWGppLhyg_Q

Listening to KMFDM and feeling like a god

I don't know how about y'all but KMFDM are fucking great. Sometimes when I listen to certain songs I feel like i am leaving the human realm. It really feels like I am entering a new form of life. I just visualize myself finally ascending towards the sky. Finally in charge. In the bus, I look out the window, I imagine houses exploding, street lights blowing up, alarms going off as the bus marches forward. The only human language there is is hatred and destruction.
Right now I sit at school, in the hallways, all the kids from my class are hanging out. I'm at the corner, I'm not part of it, never will and time is running out so what ? Stray bullet is playing, as much as I could want to be part of something like a group of good friends that just want to have a good time I know I am something else. I am a product, a product of human selfishness, of shallowness of all the lack of empathy in this world, of all the filth that is spat by the ones deamed fit. They all have created me. They all regret it. But that's not my problem. Actions have consequences. What else? Maybe a group of people that share similar interests with me? That could be nice, I guess. But I'd fuck it up, human interraction is overrated.

Just so many drafts

Hallo wie gehts
I  have so many god damned drafts. It's just sad. They all pile up in their digital realm, will I ever finish them?? To think that many of those drafts are older than many human children. Woah, oh well my time in this reality and context is almost over.

Windows 95 skyline

Wie gehts
I am at school, what a surpise, the sky is alway so blue here. But I don't like this blue. This blue is so specific, it seems like it equals the hex code fore the windows 95 desktop bakground. And it never changes, why would that be?(websage version #009999) ( CHECK IT OUT FUCKERS ~https://www.spycolor.com/008080 )
The sky sometimes also goes into windows 2000 ( check it: https://www.tekrevue.com/tip/classic-windows-2000-blue-background-windows-10/)
Is this even real? I have no clue, but for the estimated 1715 days I have spent under this specific part ofth sky why have I been only exposed to certain colors? What is it? What is going on? I have no actual clue. As the bus leaves the school driveway I see that god damned hex color up there every day, and it always seems like the whole place has this 70's film camera filter on top of it? Everything is so dream like I really can't grasp what has been going on for the past 6 years.
Das ist alles

skipping class

Hallo,

As the third term of my Senior year seems to unwind to its end I would like to talk about something that is dear to my heart. Unlike most kids at my school, my parents were very liberal regarding skipping school. They always knew how it felt to be really tired and depressed because of school, and they didn't mind if I skipped a little, from time to time. But as high school came in, the number of days that I skipped started increasing. In junior year I skipped most part of my PE classes, and almost had to redo the subject because of how our education system works. Happily, after being scolded by my teachers and counselors for being an irresponsible fuck, they sorta spared me because they know I am not an athlete and I just can't do shit because of my medical conditions. But skipping class is way more than avoiding 4 and a half years worth of swimming classes.

For someone that is about to leave the high school realm, many feelings can be attributed to skipping classes. I will be excluding the situation when you skip class because you are genuinely sick.

In the beginning, when you ask your parents to skip (ask or pretend you're sick), you usually feel happy like you just won the lottery. You start already thinking of all the things you are gonna do, ranging from playing video games to finishing an assignment you have for the next day. But then, you look at the clock. You see it's the time you were supposed to be getting in biology class. You sorta feel weird, you should be in walking right now to classroom n36. But you are at home. Your classmates are going to be doing work, and you will have to talk to your teachers and lie to their faces, telling them you were sick, you are used to doing that anyways. So now you are playing cod online, what else could you do on a school day? Your match is being fucking great, your KTD is high as it could. You remember that you will need to keep up with all the things you were supposed to learn that day, mega oof. And maybe you shouldn't have skipped that day since a test is so close and you need the teachers annotations since the retard doesn't follow the god damned text book. Eh, a B- will do I guess. College isn't real anyways, you'll be a kid forever. So the day goes on, and you just feel sorta awkward because it is not part of your normal routine. For me it's as is if you loaded Mario 64 on your n64 and mario's stretchy wreck of a polygon face didn't pop up. It's just cause you didn't go and answer your call of duty as a student. But hey, if you are like me, you will soon become desensitized to skipping class and it will become part of your daily routine!

So, it's the next day and the teacher is sorta mad because you have been skipping a lot. You can't keep using a headache and the flu as excuses. Desperate times call for desperate measures. So, you tell your teacher that you had a fucking episode of endless diarrhea streams. The teachers are obviously too scared to ask, and just let it slide. In the future you will use other excuses that sound inconceivable (per example: “ family problems”, “asthma episodes”, “gastroenteritis”, “pneumonia” etc...). And you know what is the greatest thing out of everything? Your parents never ever stepped on your school for any parents' reunion. They just assume you are a smart motherfucker. And the school can't call your parents or email them, because you gave the school the wrong phone numbers and email addresses. Good job! The school can't even send letter reports, because the mail system in your country is rigged. Heck yeah!

So, you keep repeating this cycle and skipping stops feeling like something you can rarely use but something that is part of your routine. You start feeling awkward for being at school, what the heck are you even doing there, your wii is waiting for you at home.

But then, the day you dread arrives. Your teachers tell you that you can only skip a few more times before you need to repeat the whole school year. You get mad, even though you rarely set your feet in school you are one of the best students in the whole class, and the teacher tells you that you need to repeat the year? Up yours. So you need to start rationing your skipping days. You make plans for using them exclusively for emergencies. But you start feeling like you have this weird need to skip. You just can't stand being at school anymore. You can't take anything. So your life now consists of making up solid lies that you tell to your teachers and parents that if in case they somehow get in contact don't automatically send you to detention land. You are now a slave of your own choices and you just want the year to end without your mom putting you in a cage.

But there are other funnier cases of skipping class. Sometimes you are at school with your friends, and you know that the next class is not important at all. Just for the heck of it, you decided to skip class, while at school. So you just go outside so none of your teachers runs into you. Last time I did this, I did it to go watch dragonball at the playground. It was worth it, two of my old teachers saw me but they didn't know my schedule so they just assumed me and my friends were just had a loose block. (we call periods of 45 minutes blocks at my school, I dunno how it works at your school). It's always a nice time, running through the school hallways, avoiding teachers, taking different turns and shortcuts, literally jumping sets of stairs, almost fucking your ankles for life. And then you see your teacher in the corner of your eye, and you and your friends all hide behind a pillar. One of them peeking to see if the teacher is coming in your direction. Somehow, y'all make it alive out of that situation and go to the patio drink soda (that is considered an illicit beverage at your school for some reason). After that, you have some fond memories with the friend you will never talk with since you leave those school gates for the last time.

There are way more situations of skipping class and I might make a part two, but for now the inspiration is gone.