School reparations and getting over your past

Hallo

The school year is basically over, just one more exam and I am forever gone from high school. I don't feel so good about it? I spent the entirety of high school complaining about the town I live in and avoiding people, instead of trying to make friends and memories, because time is finite. All I did was dwelve myself in voluntary social exclusion which eventually turned to involuntary exclusion. People have baggage. Mine is being the loner kid that sat by himself in the hallways. I didn't even get to take a dumb picture with my crush in front of my locker, which is now completely empty. I wish I could go back in time. I wish I weren't so lazy, I could've participated in so many cool activities, I could've gone to friends parties. Many people invited me to parties, I always denied the invites. But why? Oh yeah, because I never studied or did any school work at all so I had to rush to do everything last minute, instead of just revising daily and attending parties and other things. I wish I could and just make friends, All of those kids, they aren't that bad, I decided to distance myself, they gave me a chance and I decided to be a rude cunt. I could've attempted to be friends with people but ofc now everyone has a stigma regarding me. And school is ending anyway, right? I am the only one to blame I think. Instead of trying to make meaningful friendships I spent my time in the library hiding from everyone playing doom, hanging out with random kids that are going through the same path as I am.

I want to get over my past, I cannot change it and I can only hope for a better future. My school is going through reparations and it's getting a remodel, a new principal, a new cafeteria and football field. I won't be here to see the new school, he new teachers and all the new things. I won't be here for anything, because I am supposed to grow up and go to college. I am pissed but I need to understand that I cannot go back in time. I want to make up for my idiocy. I don't know how but I need to do something. I have to do something I can't live with the guilt of wasted time. I just can't, since my early childhood I always freaked out at the thought of wasting time, always. And now it is killing me. It's not that I don't really want to grow up or for high school to end. I just wish I made a better use of my time. I wish I had taken pictures of certain moments. I wish I had memories. I wish I had people in those memories, instead I have 

some sort of void whose only light is the one radiating from this computer screen.

Edit:
maybe I wont shoot my brains out yet, this Joanna Cedia video made me smile a little bit.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWGppLhyg_Q