mordern day dating and whatever the hell people think makes sense

Hallo Wie gehtz
So, I was listening to negative xp's "girls are dumb" and I checked the comment section, and I saw lots of people were like, hella fucking pissed at women. Idk if my opinion is valid, because in their terms i am a normie I guess, I have had girlfriends, which makes me invalid for these internet monks. But I find the way these people think of women fucking gross. I don't know, some people will be like, stop simping bro, just because I am on women's side, but every time I see this type of shit I just think of my mom. She is an extremely sweet and intelligent person, a polyglot, beats me at any math issue that I can find, an extremely good debater! A person whose intellect is so cool, I love chatting with her about any topic because she does have a very bright mind and she knows what she talks about. And then I see people degrading each other to simple gender stereotypes. Not just men, women do it too.
I see men saying that all women are useless and dumb. That all of females are meant to be used. But that is like, so fucking weird. All my female friends are such cool people, with cool music tastes, with awesome hobbies and life goals, I can't look at them as objects, because they are not objects they are people. And maybe I think that way because my parents never re enforced gender stereotypes into me or my brother. I was never told that I should do X or Y cause I am a boy. I was just allowed to do whatever. I ended up being interested in things that are more "masculine", which is the norm for boys, but even if I hadn't it wouldn't matter. I was never told that men or women have roles in society, yeah women are the ones that give birth but besides that, in a world where physical strength is not the major  contributing force for society I think it is futile to reduce people to such things.
Now let's talk about dating. I see guys complaining about how they have to pay for dinner and invest so much money just to get laid. That itself is pathetic. Yes, women can be very materialistic fucks sake, but so can men. If you only see women as sex objects they will treat you as a wallet, it is only fair. Do you really expect a living being with a complex brain to do whatever you say and not want any sort of gratification back? Women want sex too, duh! But if you come into the picture just wanting sex, pretending to care about women just for their body, they will use you back. Women don't owe you sex, and you don't owe them money. You know why egirls make money off of incels? Cause they see them as objects and are so lonely and brain washed that they spend money on girls they'll never talk to irl to fill the big hole in their heart. I am not a fucking chad, I am not attractive by any means. But I have had girlfriends. Why? Because I never saw sex as god damned priority. Like, yeah I wanna get laid, but first I want to find someone that makes me fall in love, sex is a fucking bonus. I don't go out chasing for people to fuck. I meet people and have friendships, and sometimes I crush on them. If the feelings end up being mutual, then we hang out more, and yeah sex might happen. But that's not what I am in for. And I never feel obligated to pay for things, expensive dates or whatever. Love is a mutual thing, not a fucking deal. Sometimes I feel very happy making a bracelet or a necklace for the girl that I like, I feel so warm just thinking about how that can make her smile!
Maybe I don't know shit about dating, but perhaps I am just too european.

i'm gonna move to the bronx and i will be master clown

Wie Guetz
you fucking heard me
i made my choice, once this pandemic is over i am fucking leaving europe, my small town is not big enough for how big of a clown i am! i am gonna spread trickery and sperginess like a mc fucking plague!
i am moving to a small apartment, and i am gonna work in little italy. and have like a clown gig in my free time, my family says i am a good clown! yeah it's gonna work out so fucking well. i am gonna be everyone!! i will be legit every single human there is to be. i will flee!! i will be a fucking priest i will be a skater boy! i will be a god damned ghost buster!!! i will uncover all there is to uncover, i will know all the subway stops and all the spots to hide at! i will be nothing and everything and so little and such a big concept!! the concept of my identity is an allegory itself! fuck
if i can't have a personality of my own i will steal everybody else's. fucking write it down!!!

what is killing me

Hallo,
This is what is killing me:

• My dad always snapping his fucking fingers
• People eating and making noises as if they have some issue
• My mom only calling me to talk about her boyfriend
• My identity being split across the world and nowhere to be found
• My sudden lack of interest in everything that I once thought I enjoyed
• Not remembering my past
• Not knowing who my friends are
• Time passing through me
• Not being able to say what I actually think 
• Cigarettes
• Not knowing what I am 
• Not having a personality
• Not controlling my feelings or actions
• Not being able to know what I am thinking because it's too many people in my head
• Being a super hypocrite
• Judging others
• Me

I am so fucking tired of dinosaurs

Yeah, I said it, fuck retarded old people! I will never be one because I will blow my brains out before i am even 30, yeah it is edgy and cringy I don't care. I don't hate old people because they are old. I hate old people because they fail to accept that opinions aren't dogmatic. I am working so hard to avoid being like that, by always listening to people without being biased. My grandpa is always mocking me for being a polyglot. He is so fucking annoying. He is so fucking condescending, it makes me want to just scream boomer remover. My grandpa makes fun of me for speaking multiple languages, IMAGINE! While most people would be happy that their children have that skill, my grandpa makes actual fun of me. He says that I shouldn't speak 'foreign'. I swear to every fucking thing, why do old people get surprised at people my age for disliking them?? They act entitled, they ruined the economy and fucked the environment, they're mostly homophobic, xenophobic, racist, etc... you fucking name it... And it's so fucking annoying! I think that this is a thing that won't happen a lot more with upcoming old people, and future oldies, but old people say that everything was literally better in their time, which is so fucking bullshit. Yeah, I do miss the days when I was a little kid, but I have to admit those are just nostalgia goggles. But for old people it is an empiric truth that anything my generation makes is bad and wrong and it sucks! I can't grasp it. I fucking can't. They think they are so much smarter. My grandparents didn't even go to school and they call me and my parents dumb. IMAGINE THE FUCKING ENTITLEMENT. I'm not the brightest, I know that for a fucking fact.
Three days ago, my grandpa who is a fat ass hypocrite sat on his ass and made fun of women on the TV that weren't even chubby, they had a perfectly normal healthy size. He shamed them for being "fat". And if I were to ask him something along the lines of "if they are fat does that make you a land whale?" I bet I'd be scrutinized and grounded by my family. But since he is old he's apparently not guilty of being a sexist racist retard. I hate saying this type of shit because people will think of me as an sjw, but it is the damn truth!! There isn't one time he doesn't make fun of immigrants, (i was a god damned immigrant, my existence is the product of immigration!), people of color, LGBT people and women. That's all he does. And they're not like light jokes. He is like insulting on purpose. He saw the transvestite parade for the Carnival on TV and started spewing hate about how it is so wrong to wear women's clothes. When I call him out I get called sensitive. I think I am like one of the least sensitive people out there, my sense of humor is quite dark and lots of people I know consider it "offensive". But my grandpa, he is not even trying to joke, he is being fucking racist and hypocritical.
Nothing I ever do will change fossils, the only way of getting rid of fossils is by throwing them away!

online school or school in general does not work for me

Hallo
I genuinely can't bring myself to study. I know I will regret my behavior, but I honestly can't find any joy or interest in school, or anything in general. I'm extremely unmotivated and nothing captivates my brain. All I want is to stay awake at night so I don't deal with my family, dream and die. I hate sounding edgy but these feelings are genuine. I honestly suck...

Life on Halt

Hallo,
Europe is fucked. China is lying, and nobody takes things seriously. I'm angry that european countries take bullshit from china. Bitch please, tehy didn't even let Taiwan partake in the WHO. The chinese government looks like it is ruled by little teenage girls that solely care about looks and photo shopping their instagram pictures. It's like they're kids, afraid of telling the world the truth because the ccp would look bad( as if it wasn't obvious anyways). But china holds lots of economical power so everyone sucks its cock. Because of the way china mislead everybody preparation wasn't done. Taiwan began its preparation as soon as the first warning was out from Wuhan. I seriously beg for the answer of this question from the government of any country, what is worse, hurting the economy a bit with early drastic precaution or hurting your economy so bad the whole world goes into recession due to major lockdowns for months and months? In the end, the economy will be more hurt, because we won't be indulging in any shopping if we are locked for months, meanwhile, if precaution was taken since the beginning we could be just fine by now.
I can't believe this is 2020. The only positive thing about this is that this virus is a major boomer remover! So all the dumb cunts that still think that working a part time job is enough to pay for a house, college tuition and supporting a family can go and cough on each other in a dedicated pit. I am not sorry for the ignorant boomers, finally europe will get rid of its "aging population" issue, in the aftermath europe will be very youthful!

Boomers and corona

Hallo retards.
It is time I go back to my element, ranting about older people. As everyone probably knows, the world is in a pandemic situation when it comes to the corona virus. Europe is being eaten alive lmao. I am actually concerned about the virus, because as edgy as I want to be, I know people that I don't want to lose (unlike some godlike creatures I've interacted with).
Last week, during lunchtime I mentioned that my family should pass by the pharmacy to stock up on masks and hand sanitizer. My grandma's reaction was fantastic. She said I was dumb and pathetic for thinking that those precautions were necessary. She said that the flu is way more dangerous, way more people die in the pool and we're not banning pools, 2% mortality rate is low so stop worrying. I must note, my grandma doesn't believe in evolution, or in artificial selection. She thinks that the fruit and vegetables on earth have always been this way, that we didn't shape them throughout time to be as juicy and as nutritious as possible. She thinks GMO's and artificial selection throughout the entirety of human existence are the exact same and doesn't want to believe in science whatsoever. She also thinks that lactose intolerance is bs (yeah I nearly puke all the time cause dairy is just so good for me mmmm). All that aside, she doesn't really understand that she is one of the main people that should be worried about the virus. Old people have very bad hygiene, in my opinion, cause "back in the old days we only took a shower per three days, and we didn't wash our hands cause real men make their immune system stronger by congesting every single possible decease!" They cough into their hands, instead of into their arms (i was always taught to cough and sneeze into the inner part of my arm, because in general we shouldn't spread our spit). They don't wash their food, and don't really take medical advice; they're always picking their nose and at their skin and then go and touch things without washing their hands; etc...
So let's imagine the following scenario:
I'm on my way to school, I usually have to hop on two different subway lines. One of the subway lines I take is connected to the airport. Someone comes back from italy. They cough, sneeze, or overall just spread their breath droplets on the subway's surface. Someone else touches the surface, and scratches their nose. That person has the virus now. The incubation period of the novel corona virus is more than 24 days. That person goes around, kisses their loved ones, their children, releases breath droplets into public transport, interacts with people at work. That person probably passed the virus to many people, and they won't know for a long time, due to the very long incubation time.
I feel like I need to rectify myself. I am not afraid of the virus for me, I take the necessary precautions, I do the best I can. But some people think they are superior, that a "little" virus won't do anything to them, things always happen to everyone but them, blah blah status quo, blah blah. So they don't take any precautions and keep being the unhygienic gross motherfuckers they are. Two days In my physics lab my teacher begged us to wash our hands before getting in class cause of the virus, and of course we did. Once again, when talking about this to my grandma she thought it idiotic. People act as if the unnecessary death of others is fine, just cause it's not them or their close ones. "It's only 2% of the population that is dying". People die all the time, why are people ok with the additional death of others? I can't grasp it. And unlike the flu our body isn't fully able to just get the rid of the virus. Covid-19 is a serious disease. Just cause you are not in danger it doesn't mean you get to deny science and  play god while you can.
That's all, honestly, fuck people that don't believe in science, up yours!

i actually age and didn't die at 16

Hallo, it's mab, mark, markus, Marco, whatever.
I'm currently 18. Ew, i know, gross. Just a while a go I was extremely edgy and determined to die (don't get me wrong I don't want to live) and all I cared about was grunge and 90s industrial rock. Now I am literally nobody. Nothing defines me anymore. I don't even try to enjoy the things that once made me happy.I don't believe in anything. I don't even do drugs or alcohol anymore, and yes, that's a negative. I just stay static. I don't know what happened to me but I have vanished. Nobody sees or notices me. Nobody ever did, but I realized I am nothing. I feel bad for nothing or for everything. And no matter how many positive conclusions I have I always forget everything, truth is, I can't focus or make memories, my brain just gave up on short term memory. I have no regret for my actions, I just wish time weren't so fast. Just that. I miss my friends, I miss how rotten and shitty my life used to be, and how it made me dream of a better future. How I was so mentally busy and didn't realize things would never be the same once I stepped out of school on the last day. I seriously don't understand myself. I want my head to not be so shaky. I wish I had kept my promises from the past and had posted all the time. Sorry. Nobody reads this, but I'm very sorry. I feel like I failed.