good bye uk!

If you told someone from like, 20 years ago that the uk would like the eu they'd say that's bs. But oh well, farewell britain! It has been a wild ride, too bad you never had the euro as your currency!

Happy new year of 2000!

Hallo internet!
How's it going?? I haven't been as present as I used to be. I know I said I'd stop posting here when i got into college but oof. I still have stuff to say so it only seems fair I say it. I could have done this whole blog in a much better manner. I could have posted regularly. I wish I had another year of high school so I could get more responsibility, since I spent the entirety of high school not doing anything and complaining.
The millennium, decade and year are over! Now we have a whole new universe to explore!!!! I am not so positive, and looking back into anything pains me deeply!! Oh well, I just wish I for once had the correct thoughts at the correct place and time. Hope we have fun in this new year.
Top be honest I couldn't care less about this human concept of time, I feel extremely disconnected from it and that probably plays a big part in why I suck at life. I don't know, it's not a question of "1999 went by so fucking fast I can't believe it's 2000 already!", it's more like, I don't feel time at all. It could be 2020 and I wouldn't feel a thing. I just overall feel extremely out. I've always been dissociated from everything but now it's sort of worse, last year I still felt some sort of "coming of doom" feeling regarding the new year and time still made some sort of sense. But now I have no actual clue. I don't think i am ready for any of this.

shit that annoys me || volume 1 || brain frozen old people

Hallo,
I decided to try and put some effort into this and at least write weekly. I really regret the way things have gone down with this projects.

So today I will begin this habit of talking in detail about shit that just makes me fume. I have moved back to my old neighborhood, and because of that I've had my fair share of dealing with old people, which is ok, people don't choose to get old, as much as we all would love to be young forever. But, I never noticed how dumb the older generations can be, and I mean extremely dumb. Let's divide my issues with older people into topics

1.How most people over 35 I've interacted with are fucking mental
 Most people are so deep in the idea that their generation is the best (there's no such thing as a best generation) that they fail to communicate and comprehend other generations. When people are around 35 they start realizing that they're not young anymore and they're heading towards their 40s. Till then they have this weird ass idea engraved on their head, they think they're so genial, so different, so quirky, so revolutionary, so much better because they had less during their childhood? Then this people start realizing that young people can also achieve things and they start getting angry, perhaps (when they were children) they weren't as successful or well informed as gen z kids are, which is okay. But these people can't accept that things change. They not only fail to accept the potential and success of younger people but they also fail to understand them.


2.Ignorance regarding technology and progress
 This one is fantastic, it really grinds my gears. Whether I'm talking to my nearly 40 y/o aunt or to my grandpa who is completely unable of using any technology because he simply thought "oh, that shit is not important, nobody is ever gonna use tech so I shouldn't learn" they never fail to surprise me. I think I'll bullet-point each specific incident that makes me question what happens on people's brains

• Being overly complicated: Sometimes various family members ask me shit. Sometimes they want to know something, sometimes they don't know how to use a certain thing (reset the router, lookup some random ass info) . Instead of simply looking up on their phones what they need to know regarding anything they decide to be extra complicated, they make weird choices, and when they finally beg you to do it for you they can't stop commenting on how you're doing it wrong while they don't have any idea of what is going on. In the end of helping them plugging the HDMI cable or attaching a jpeg to their email I just ask "Hey (random person) why don't you look this up on the internet? You could learn how to do it yourself and apply that knowledge to different situations?". They never ever do this, I don't get it. They assume I just magically know all of these but then proceed to criticize me for knowing stuff?? Why are they being so complicated? Choose a stance on the topic and stick with it unless you actually change your mind instead of floating around. They think we know stuff just because we are from the "new generation", we know stuff because we have curiosity. 
• Thinking that using tech is gonna kill you: Most part of old people are big ass hypocrites. I love watching Tarantino movies, not only are they very well written but they also have a fair share of violence and gore. To some of my older relatives, watching really violent movies or watching super violent sports (boxing matches, WWE, till death bullfighting matches, etc...) is totally okay. But playing a dumb FPS shooter game? No, that's gonna turn you into a school shooter, or any shooter per say. My favorite type of game is FPS games, yet I don't consider myself violent, at all. My grandma says that kids in america shoot up their school because they play cod, but all kids all over the damned world play cod and many more fps games, yet we don't see the wide spread of a school shooter culture. Old ass men beating each other to death because their soccer team rivalry? Ye know, it's just men. Boys playing fps shooter and having a general nice time? Oh boy, that's fucking cancerous and will damage the boys' minds they'll become killing machine lIkE tHe AmErIcAn KiDs!! Killing bulls good, pOlyStaTIonN aNd tHE Wii BAAAD
• Thinking the world doesn't need the internet or anything really: This one is just great, my grandma was pissed that we are"always" on our phones, back in her day they didn't have phones! And the god damned internet, it just turns kids into criminals we don't need such thing!!!! "If I can live without the internet it means we don't really need it!" Hate breaking it to you grandma but all the efficiency of the 21st century is based on the convenience of the internet. Fast news that enable the ability of warning people and preventing disasters, managing bank accounts, efficient systems that enable fast services (every major thing, from hospitals to retail).
• TV vs Online Content:Old people think that watching youtube videos is worse than watching TV. Both platforms have had good content and bad content, the difference is what you can do about it. Old people just stay there and randomly watch whatever the fuck Tv feeds them, and that includes the totally washed down biased content that ends up brain washing their brains. Because of a dumb tv show my grandma believes I will become a killer because of video games. Meanwhile, on streaming services you can choose what to watch, on youtube you can support actual talented independent artists and individuals and see them grow! My family thinks you can legally buy guns at a gunshop if you are 13 in the U.S.
• Telling foreigners to learn the country's language but refusing to learn languages like English: This one is always amazing, people get so angry at foreigner's for not speaking our language perfectly, but do they speak any other language other than their own? They fucking don't. Why do old people get worked about this? You don't speak the foreigner's languages either. They don't even speak English, so why are y'all so pissed at immigrants and foreigners lmao.

3.Generational differences throughout history
 Okay, this one will be hella far fetched. Although when boomers and people prior to that were my age they already had different mindsets and ideals than their contemporary old folks' ones there was some sort of similarity? The world keeps changing, ofc, but like, the 20th century was a crazy roller coaster. The way we live and interact with the world, in a contextual way changed so much? And lots of people think that the values they were taught are the best ones, regardless of change. So they refuse to keep up? I don't really know what my point is in this one. But like, in the medieval ages as rebellious as kids could be, older people and younger people kinda endured the same shit? The good ol days looked just like the good new days? So I doubt that old people could go around saying "IN MY DAY WE GOT THE PLAGUE!!!!" Like, people hate change, and that's why they all fall into this weird hypocritical cycle. People my age complain about 6 yo's liking fortnite or Minecraft. I seriously don't get it, fucks sake our gen liked club penguin and dumb shid like FriV flash games, Nintendo dogs n cats. I think old people get dumb because they are pretentious. We need to give value to younger intellects. I love talking to everyone, I love telling my older family members my ideas, and if I ever live to be old I want to learn with people that are younger than me.

This was fucking psychotic, I might edit this post later I have no god damned clue.

Dream Girl

I'm at the airport waiting in line
A very pretty girl is in front of me
She is tall
And her feet are tiny in comparison
She is by herself and carries a camper bag
Her headphones are plugged in
She has cute bangs and a suede pouch
She is so sweet
She is such a dream
Her hair is kinda strawberry blonde
It's very messy
Her perfume is very nice
Girls are so nice
Pizza socks
Her walk is funny
Cherry cola shirt
She has bracelets on her legs
She was watching dumbo
Editing pictures on her laptop
She wears socks that don't match
She has two seats just for herself because the lady next to her left
Her nose looks cute and little
It is a little bit red
She might have the flu
She sits by the window
And looks at the clouds, probably in other planet
I wonder what she will do, once she gets to Lisbon
Will she have more adventures? Maybe go to Spain
Or maybe she just came to Africa to do some volunteer help
Maybe her parents paid her the trip
Maybe she makes her life like that, gets a sponsorship and travels to exotic places
But she looks so young, she could be younger than me, she could be with me at school
I don't know but I can't help but look at this dream girl

School reparations and getting over your past

Hallo

The school year is basically over, just one more exam and I am forever gone from high school. I don't feel so good about it? I spent the entirety of high school complaining about the town I live in and avoiding people, instead of trying to make friends and memories, because time is finite. All I did was dwelve myself in voluntary social exclusion which eventually turned to involuntary exclusion. People have baggage. Mine is being the loner kid that sat by himself in the hallways. I didn't even get to take a dumb picture with my crush in front of my locker, which is now completely empty. I wish I could go back in time. I wish I weren't so lazy, I could've participated in so many cool activities, I could've gone to friends parties. Many people invited me to parties, I always denied the invites. But why? Oh yeah, because I never studied or did any school work at all so I had to rush to do everything last minute, instead of just revising daily and attending parties and other things. I wish I could and just make friends, All of those kids, they aren't that bad, I decided to distance myself, they gave me a chance and I decided to be a rude cunt. I could've attempted to be friends with people but ofc now everyone has a stigma regarding me. And school is ending anyway, right? I am the only one to blame I think. Instead of trying to make meaningful friendships I spent my time in the library hiding from everyone playing doom, hanging out with random kids that are going through the same path as I am.

I want to get over my past, I cannot change it and I can only hope for a better future. My school is going through reparations and it's getting a remodel, a new principal, a new cafeteria and football field. I won't be here to see the new school, he new teachers and all the new things. I won't be here for anything, because I am supposed to grow up and go to college. I am pissed but I need to understand that I cannot go back in time. I want to make up for my idiocy. I don't know how but I need to do something. I have to do something I can't live with the guilt of wasted time. I just can't, since my early childhood I always freaked out at the thought of wasting time, always. And now it is killing me. It's not that I don't really want to grow up or for high school to end. I just wish I made a better use of my time. I wish I had taken pictures of certain moments. I wish I had memories. I wish I had people in those memories, instead I have 

some sort of void whose only light is the one radiating from this computer screen.

Edit:
maybe I wont shoot my brains out yet, this Joanna Cedia video made me smile a little bit.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWGppLhyg_Q

Listening to KMFDM and feeling like a god

I don't know how about y'all but KMFDM are fucking great. Sometimes when I listen to certain songs I feel like i am leaving the human realm. It really feels like I am entering a new form of life. I just visualize myself finally ascending towards the sky. Finally in charge. In the bus, I look out the window, I imagine houses exploding, street lights blowing up, alarms going off as the bus marches forward. The only human language there is is hatred and destruction.
Right now I sit at school, in the hallways, all the kids from my class are hanging out. I'm at the corner, I'm not part of it, never will and time is running out so what ? Stray bullet is playing, as much as I could want to be part of something like a group of good friends that just want to have a good time I know I am something else. I am a product, a product of human selfishness, of shallowness of all the lack of empathy in this world, of all the filth that is spat by the ones deamed fit. They all have created me. They all regret it. But that's not my problem. Actions have consequences. What else? Maybe a group of people that share similar interests with me? That could be nice, I guess. But I'd fuck it up, human interraction is overrated.

Just so many drafts

Hallo wie gehts
I  have so many god damned drafts. It's just sad. They all pile up in their digital realm, will I ever finish them?? To think that many of those drafts are older than many human children. Woah, oh well my time in this reality and context is almost over.